The Detroit News reports this morning that Kwame Kilpatrick's girlfriend and former Chief of Staff Christine Beatty seems to have received a massive grant to purchase a second home.  The tricky part is, when she received the cash the grant program hadn't been created yet.  And she got more than they ever awarded after they did create it.  And internal memos indicate the payoff was designed to influence the mayor and his administration.  And Kwame and company fought tooth and nail to keep those memos from ever seeing the light of day.  But it's all above the board.  They promise.

...A federal judge did not order Fifth Third Bank to create that "economic empowerment program" until May 19, 2004 -- two weeks after Beatty received her mortgage, federal court records show.

Not only was Beatty the first Detroiter to receive a grant under the program, the $12,000 the bank gave her was more than anyone else in the program received, Fifth Third senior vice president Jack Riley confirmed. Four months after Beatty received her grant, Fifth Third set a $2,500 cap on individual grants, an amount that later was increased to $5,000, Riley said.

The Detroit News previously reported the bank gave Beatty the money after a loan officer wrote a memo that Fifth Third should approve a $237,000 mortgage for Beatty, despite her poor credit rating, because she was "a personal referral from the mayor" and the bank was working on a deal with the city for collection of taxes.

"This could go a long way with 5/3 Bank's efforts in the City of Detroit and the Mayor would think very favorable of our bank," bank official Keith Anderson wrote in the April 14, 2004, internal bank memo.

Yep, nothing shady about that at all.  Democrats are perfect and noble and good and wonderful and smell like clean linen and shine like the face of Moses after he walked down from the mountain.  No graft.  No corruption.  No bribes.  No personal favors.  No purchasing of influence.  No need to resign.  No affair.  No romantic trysts.  No standards.  No ethics.  No accountability.  No integrity.  No... oh, wait... nevermind.  Next category.

Best Use of Greed to Kill Jobs: The United Auto Workers

The Associated Press reports that the number of plants now shuttered because of the UAW's greed-fueled strike of American Axle has reached five.  Nearly twenty-thousand moms and dads are officially out of work this morning as the union refuses to talk.  According to reports last week American Axle has been waiting at the table for days but is entirely absent a negotiating partner.

You'll remember that the union bosses called the strike when the company sought a bit of wage parity.  Their competitors in the United States currently pay between $20 and $30 an hour all-in per employee.  American Axle currently pays their UAW workers $73 an hour all-in.  

The closures bring to five the total of factories GM has closed due to a lack of parts made by American Axle & Manufacturing Holdings Inc., affecting more than 13,000 GM hourly workers. The laid-off workers will get most of their pay under their union's contract with GM.

About 3,600 workers represented by the United Auto Workers at five American Axle plants in Michigan and New York went on strike last week in a contract dispute.

American Axle and the UAW haven't returned to the bargaining table since talks broke off on Feb. 25, although both sides have said they're ready to resume negotiations at any time.

American Axle spokeswoman Renee Rogers said Monday afternoon that no talks have been scheduled...

If you listen to the fat-cat union bosses at the UAW halls you'd think this was about NAFTA, CAFTA, the SHAFTA and Mexico.  The three amigos plus one.  If you listen to the competition here in the United States and to common sense you realize this is about survival.  But hey, you can't make an omelet if you don't break a few eggs.  What are 3,600 Michigan jobs in the long run?  Small price to pay to maintain a tough-guy-on-the-block image and forced dues money for the UAW.  Big deal if thousands of moms and dads find themselves out of a job.  

Best Example of How Living Up to Expectations Isn't Always a Good Thing: The Big 3

Sales are down.  Way down.  Again.  As predicted.  And now it's costing folks their jobs.The Ivory Tower reports:

Two months into the year, this much is clear: The dreary auto sales market predicted for the first half of 2008 is living down to those lousy expectations...

In all, Detroit's automakers posted a combined decline of 11%. Sales were off 14% at Chrysler LLC, 12.9% at General Motors Corp. and 6.6% at Ford Motor Co. That led GM and Ford to announce North American production cuts of 5% and 10%, respectively, for the second quarter.
In particular, Ford said it would cut production to one shift at two plants...

But hey, look on the bright side.  With American Axle crippled by a non-responsive union they were going to eventually have to shutter plants anyways.  Can't make cars without parts!

Alright, so that's not really a bright side.  But it's... something... isn't it?  

What's that?  Oh, they're telling me we're almost out of time.  We have one last award before we return you to your local news.  (I hear there's a cat stuck in a tree, there's some weather and the roads are slick.  There, I just saved you a half hour.)

Best News Andy Dillon Has Heard in a While: School Kids want iPods!

The Oakland Press reports that a local school just won a two-thousand dollar grant from Best Buy to purchase technology for the classroom.  This story is literally too cool for school...

This week, teacher Laura Amatulli, who requested the grant, brought her sixth-grade students on a field trip to Best Buy -- where they purchased their very own classroom iPods.

The idea to bring iPods into the classroom came directly from her students, Amatulli said.

"I said to the kids, 'If you can dream, what would make you come to the classroom?' and they said iPods," Amatulli said, adding that she asked her students how they can use iPods, a device commonly used for listening to music, in the classroom.

If my teacher asked me if I could dream what would make me come to the classroom I'd have answered "pizza."  What child hears that question and says "FREE iPODS PLEASE!"?

Kids these days.  I'm sure this is just what the Speaker of the House and his little iPod caucus have been waiting for.  They can now officially say that teachers and students are clamoring for free iPods.  And do they really need to say anything more?  They wanted to buy them and give them away when no one was asking for them but now that they have hard, empirical evidence in the form of a questionable statement from a teacher?  It's on, boys and girls.  It's on.  Keep your eyes peeled for that next appropriations budget.  Or better yet, watch your son's and daughter's backpack.  

If they bring home a brand new iPod you'll know your tax dollars are hard at work.

And there's the bump music.